:: A Dreamer's Nights ::

:: Saturday, August 14, 2004 ::

First of all.
My last post,
was just to blow off some steam.

I'm just angry when I see this happen to me,
yet, see a lot of the others, prosper.

-------------------------------
Next order of business...
...more to come later.

:: Kevin 12:09 AM [+] ::
...

Woke up shaking today.
Why?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

WHY must I have a dream about this?!

It's the scariest thing I've come up with in a LONG time.

Heh,
Just my fucking luck.

I mean, I pour my heart and soul out for this girl.
I've been doing so for 3 fucking years.
And then, all of a sudden, I find out she has a bf.
Just, you know, behind my back.
What Fucking burn.

I'm screwed...AGAIN.
OVER AND OVER AND OVER!

And this is the WORST time too.
I can't concentrate when I drive (i'm going to crash and die, just watch).
I can't concentrate when I need to read my books for my AP lit class.
AND I have all the pressure trying to find a fucking college and applying for it.
THEN I have to find some friggin' scholarships.

There's no fucking justice in the world.
There isn't. None.
Nice guys, ALWAYS finish last.
ALWAYS.
You all REMEMBER that.
Cuz I am one.
And it is my curse.

:: Kevin 4:45 PM [+] ::
...

And it's been a while...

I wandered the halls of some place.
I passed by a room of girls singing a song...
...a song about me...

Indeed it was odd.
For once in marching band, or anywhere, people liked me.
They liked me for who I was.
...well, that, and my hair also had highlights. Think of the yellow
highlighter color and imagine a gradient of that bright yellow to black, from the back
to the front of my head.

I apparently had fan girls because of who I was.
...who decided to make a song about me...

I couldn't feel more happy; making friends
and actually having them appericate me for once.

I talked to them for a bit.
Then I somehow wandered outside and there was the granada school quad area.
I sat down with a couple people I knew in this 4 person circle thing.

Then I somehow fell asleep; dreaming inside a dream...

...and thus I will conclude this story.
All I will say is that the dream in a dream involved more people from the granada band
and some old friends I hadn't seen for a long while.

Back to reality....alone....but peaceful....but melancholy....I don't know anymore....
:: Kevin 8:00 AM [+] ::
...

Is there more than it seems?

"I'm sorry," they said.
"I'm sorry...."

Flung through the enternals of blackness, I heard
that familiar voice. It was a pleading tone. It was one of
sincerity. But I couldn't quite figiure out who it was.

"I'm so sorry..."

I woke up.
:: Kevin 10:12 PM [+] ::
...

Ironic...

If you don't understand why the following is ironic,
read my other blog. It's to the left, under the recommended tab.

Last night, I had about 2 hours of sleep. But I had a dream still.
It was about the same girl.
It was at school, and my head was laying on a desk.
She sat next to me and was doing the same.
She was looking into me.
I was looking into her eyes.
There was a sudden shift of sadness in her eyes.
I did the same.
Her eyes.... they resembled the reflection of a full moon onto a small pond.
And I could sense the sadness....I became it....

...I woke up....
:: Kevin 7:48 PM [+] ::
...

A Shattered Morning...

Last night, I had a great dream.
There's not much I can go into detail about because
It's been hard to remember everything since then:

It was another day afterschool. The place was mostly empty.
I was by the band/choir room.
I don't remember quite exactly what happened that lead to what happened next,
but I remember that this I know girl takes my hand and pulls me into a big hug.
I was quite shocked. She laughed and said
something like,
"It was just a test to see how dedicated you are."
And, I thought that this test was rather cruel because I tried so hard
and it caused me a lot of pain, but, I didn't care.
Because all was well now.
A boy I know came by saying "why did you tell him? You were suppose to
wait for his birthday!"
I just smiled.

I remember the warmth of her embrace. I still do.
It rekindled the fire in me. I still remember her breathing against me...
I felt so alive and unreal...
Her loving smile has burned itself into my memory...
My heart and soul burn so fiercely inside.

...and for once, I was happy. I was genuinely happy....

...I open my eyes to the alarm clock and turn it off. I went on my way to
brush my teeth. I felt so alive again. I felt so peaceful.
While I was brushing, something clicked in my head. I stopped,
I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought,
"oh no....this...this...isn't...."
I realized that I was in the real world and that I was just dreaming.
I was back, and I knew that
I could never feel the girl's embrace again, or ever know that her
smile was for me. I'd see her every day, but I'd never be able to feel that warmth again....
....so the day went on...

...I still remember....and it still burns inside...
....and for some reason, I don't want to forget,
no matter how much pain it causes...
:: Kevin 10:54 PM [+] ::
...